Finding Faith When Grief Makes You Feel You Are Alone
When I lost my wife, I remember the dark days when I felt so alone that it hurt. Not just because my wife was gone. But also because God seemed so distant. That seemed even worse. It attacked my faith.
Have you ever wondered, “God, are You still here with me?” “Why can’t I seem to hear what You are saying?”
If you have, you're not alone. And you’re not wrong for asking the question.
Grief does strange things to our faith. It breaks open everything we thought we believed and invites doubt to move in. And in those moments, it’s easy to wonder if God left the room when our world fell apart.
Let’s talk about that. And more importantly… Let's find our way back.
When Faith Feels Like Fog
Before your loss, your relationship with God may have felt really solid - you may have described it as precious. Scripture had personal meaning, verses seemed to speak directly to you, peaceful worship music drew you into God’s presence, prayer felt like a conversation.
But what about after loss?
Sometimes, the same verses that once quickened your heart now sound hollow. Perhaps the silence in your prayer time feels depressing, even frustrating. Maybe you wonder if it’s because of something you did… or perhaps God just forgot about you.
Many Christian widows find themselves in this situation, quietly battling a spiritual identity crisis no one prepared them for.
First of all you need to know: Faith is expressed in choosing to give our questions to God, in spite of our feelings.
When Jesus Wept
There’s a verse in the Bible which we have looked at before, which can become one of the most profound anchors for grieving hearts:
“Jesus wept.” (John 11:35)
That’s it. Just two words. But in those two words, we see something special. Jesus, the Son of God, who was fully divine, and fully human, in this situation showed his humanity in His tears.
He stood outside the tomb of His friend Lazarus - totally knowing He would raise him from the dead - yet… He wept. This was not just to model empathy for us. It also showed that death hurts. Separation stings. Even for Jesus.
He wept for Mary and Martha’s pain.
He wept for the brokenness of this world.
He wept because, for a moment, even He felt the sorrow we experience.
And if He didn’t abandon Lazarus’ friends in their sorrow, He certainly hasn’t abandoned you.
God Is Not Afraid of Your Doubt
Somewhere along the way, we may have started believing that being strong in our faith means never questioning God. But that’s not scriptural.
David, described as a “man after God’s own heart,” cried out in the Psalms: “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1)
Jesus Himself, in the agony of the cross, shouted: “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)
Your questions are safe with God. He doesn’t flinch at your heartbreak. In fact, He longs to be invited into your struggle. Your prayer “Where are You?” is honest and real. He hears you.
Learning to See God in a New Way
After loss, you may not feel God the same way you used to. That’s okay.
Faith after experiencing loss often can seem different, quieter. It probably looks less like mountaintop joy, and more like persistence and struggle and perseverance.
But - as you persevere in your devotional life, you may begin to notice some things start to happen:
A verse jumps out at you in a new way,
A song lyric that feels like it was written just for you in your present situation,
A stranger who says the exact words you need to hear,
A sense of “peace that passes understanding” — even for a moment.
These are not coincidences. These are love notes from a God who hasn’t moved an inch, even if your heart feels distant. God never left the scene.
Finding Him In the Ordinary Things of Life
You may not feel the lightning-bolt presence of God every time you pray. But that doesn’t mean He’s gone silent.
Sometimes, He speaks through little things:
A hummingbird outside your window,
A soft breeze at just the right moment,
A scripture that jumps out at you and tells you that you are special to God.
God doesn’t always speak in a voice like thunder, he also speaks in a gentle whisper. (1 Kings 19:11-12)
A New Chapter, Not the End
It can feel like your story ended the day your husband passed.
But what if, instead of a period, God placed a comma?
What if this is the beginning of a new chapter — one you didn’t choose, but one that will hold future purpose, perhaps something new?
You’re still here for a reason. Your story still matters.
God still wants to walk with you — through the grief, through the healing, and on into the next season.
When You Don’t Know What to Pray
What if you’re too tired to pray, too sad to read Scripture, too upset to worship?
That’s okay. You are human. You will have these moments.
God knows the thoughts of your heart. He sees the rawness of your grief. Sometimes we need to just let our tears express our questions to God. Let others carry you for a while, ask others to support you in prayer. That’s a part of what the body of Christ is for.
You're Not Alone
If you’re reading this, maybe with tears in your eyes and a lump in your throat, please hear this clearly: God has not left you. He is not disappointed in your grief. He is still here - even in the silence.
Day by day, He is gently calling you back. Not necessarily to the version of faith you had before… but to something deeper. More intimate. Rooted in the kind of love that keeps you safe in the hardest nights, and promises that joy still awaits you on the horizon.
Want Help Walking This Journey?
If you’re hungry for support, or feel maybe you do need to find the way back - we’ve created a guide to help you reconnect with your faith and yourself.
It’s full of encouragement, journaling prompts, and scripture to remind you:
You are not alone. You are deeply loved. Even in the silence.
Caring for you,
Gerry van der Wende
www.advancelifetransformation.com
P.S. If you need prayer, or would like to talk, you can contact us by clicking here.
