10 Simple Ways to Show Up Without Making It Seem Weird
When someone you care about is grieving, you want to help. But you might not know how.
Should you say something? Should you do something? Leave them alone? Send food? It's easy to feel helpless, and afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing.
The good news is that you don't need to fix their pain. You just need to show up in simple, thoughtful ways.
These practical dos and don'ts will help you be a steady friend while they are going through a stormy season.
A List of Practical Dos and Don'ts
DO say something - Saying, “I'm sorry for your loss,” or, “I'm here if you want to talk,” is better than silence. You don't need amazing words, just be sincere.
DON’T avoid them - Grief can feel isolating. If you disappear because you feel awkward, they'll feel even more alone. Presence beats perfection.
DO offer specific help - Instead of saying “Let me know if you need anything,” say, “I’m dropping off dinner on Tuesday. Is that OK?” or “Can I pick up your groceries this week?”
DON’T rush their healing - Avoid phrases like “At least they're in a better place,” or “Everything happens for a reason.”
DO check in regularly - Set reminders to check in 1 week, 1 month, and 3 months after the loss. Grief lasts longer than most people realize.
DON’T make it about you - Resist the urge to share your own grief story right away. Let them lead. This is their space, not about you.
DO listen more than you talk - You don't need to give advice. Just be a safe person where they can cry, vent, or say nothing at all.
DON’T disappear after the funeral - Support often drops off after the service, but that’s when grief becomes real. Keep showing up in small ways.
DO remember the dates - Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays are tough. A simple text such as “Thinking of you today”, can really help.
DON’T underestimate the power of little things - A cup of coffee, a walk, a card in the mail. Small gestures remind your friend that they are not alone.
Conclusion
You don’t need to be perfect to help a grieving friend. You just need to be present. Grief is tough, but it is more bearable when someone is willing to sit and share it with you.
Think of one grieving friend right now. What is one small thing you can do to help them this week? A text? A meal? A cup of coffee? Maybe now is the time to take action.
Sincerely,
Gerry van der Wende
www.advancelifetransformation.com
P.S. Would you like a printable version of this list to keep or share?
Click here to grab our free one-page guide: “How to Help a Grieving Friend”.