Exciting News!

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been immersed in revising a 120-page book on grief recovery, titled "From Grief to Purpose: A Christian Woman's Journey From Loss to Renewed Meaning." This subject is close to my heart, and I'm excited to share that it will soon be available on Amazon and through my website.​

Why This Book?

Grief is a profound journey, especially for Christian women who have experienced the loss of a loved one. Navigating this path can be overwhelming, and finding resources that resonate with both the emotional and spiritual aspects of grief is crucial. Having experienced the loss of a spouse myself, I felt I should write this book to offer support and hope.​

What You'll Discover Inside

"From Grief to Purpose" is structured to walk you through the stages of grief, integrating faith and practical steps toward healing. Key topics include:​

• Understanding Your Grief: Recognizing the unique ways grief manifests and how to honor your personal experience.​
  
  

• Faith as a Foundation: Exploring how scripture and prayer can provide comfort and direction during times of loss.​
  
  

• Embracing Community: The importance of seeking support from fellow believers and how communal connections can aid in healing.​
  
  

• Rediscovering Purpose: Strategies to uncover new meaning and direction in life after loss, guided by Christian principles.​
  
  

A Personal Journey

Writing this book has been a deeply personal endeavor. Drawing from my own experiences with loss and the stories of many women I've walked alongside, I've woven together narratives that reflect the pain, hope, and renewal that come with grief. It's my prayer that these pages resonate with your heart and provide solace.​

Anticipated Release

The book is in its final stages and will soon be available for purchase on Amazon and directly through my website. My goal is to make it accessible to as many women as possible who are seeking comfort and guidance during their grief journey.​

Join the Journey

I invite you to stay connected for updates on the official release date and additional resources related to grief recovery. Together, we can navigate the path from grief to renewed purpose, leaning on our faith and each other.​

Stay tuned for more details, and may you find peace and strength in your journey. If you would be interested in a sample chapter, please respond by clicking on the button below!

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Finding New Purpose after Loss

 

Discover God’s Calling for Your Next Chapter

Losing a spouse is a heartbreaking journey, leaving many widows and widowers feeling lost and uncertain about the future. It can feel as though you are floating in limbo, as though there is no direction for your life any more. If you're struggling to find meaning after loss, know this: God still has a purpose for you. Right now you may feel as though it is all you can do to just keep going from day to day, but your next chapter isn’t just about surviving; it’s about thriving in His calling.

Understanding Your Season of Grief

Grief is a process, not a destination. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, “To everything, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” Your season of mourning is totally valid, but it is not the whole story. God can bring beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3) and restore your heart with new purpose.

Step 1: Reflect on Your Journey

Before stepping into the future, it’s crucial to reflect on where you've been. Ask yourself:

• What passions or talents have I set aside?

• What lessons has this season of grief taught me?

• How has God been speaking to me in my quiet moments?

By reflecting on your experiences, you open your heart to God’s guidance.

Step 2: Embrace God’s Healing

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting your spouse; it means allowing God to restore your heart. Spend time in prayer, worship, and scripture. Verses like Jeremiah 29:11 assure us that God has good plans for our future. Consider joining a Christian grief support group where you can share your journey and receive encouragement.

Step 3: Shape Your New Identity

You are more than a widow—you are a child of God with a unique calling. Begin shaping your new identity by:

• Journaling your thoughts and prayers.

• Taking small steps toward rediscovering joy.

• Seeking mentorship or counseling to help navigate this transition.

Step 4: Explore New Opportunities

Once you’re ready, start exploring ways to serve others. Many widows find purpose in:

• Volunteering at their church or community center.

• Mentoring younger women or those experiencing grief.

• Pursuing new hobbies, education, or even a career shift.

Ask God to open doors that align with your gifts and His purpose for you.

Step 5: Thrive in Your Calling

Thriving means living with intention. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts. As you walk in faith, remember that God is directing your steps. Stay connected to His word, surround yourself with supportive people, and continue growing in your faith.

Your Next Chapter Starts Now

God is not done with you. Your next chapter can be filled with joy, impact, and deep fulfillment. If you’re seeking guidance in this area, download our free Personal Strengths Discovery Questionnaire by clicking here. 

Let’s walk this journey together.

Sincerely,

Gerry van der Wende
Advance Life Transformation
www.advancelifetransformation@gmail.com 

P.S. As always, feel free to email us using the link below. We are here for you!

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The First Week

 

Good morning friends! This past 7 days I have been ill. It started with toothache, then a major infection which completely exhausted me. I am now recovering and wanting to get back in touch with you all. 

It reminded me of what it was like when my wife Leni died, and after the funeral. That first week I was running on adrenalin. I was in shock. Talking to the funeral home, deciding on a casket, making lists of people to contact. Writing the death notice, arranging for a service, talking with a minister, making the calls. Getting background music for the funeral. Getting copies of the death certificate, unblocking accounts in Leni's name. Getting the house ready for visitors, visiting Leni at the funeral home. Then the funeral, lowering Leni into the ground. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The well-wishers, the meal with friends. Saying goodbye to family. Finally, silence. I quietly collapsed into my grief. Alone.

If this resonates with you, I can help you. I have been in your shoes. Not a perfect fit, each of us is unique. But I understand your feelings. I have walked the walk.

I can help you cope with what you are experiencing. There is hope. Click on this link to arrange for a free exploratory call.

See you on the other side!

Sincerely,

Gerry van der Wende 

www.advancelifetransformation.com 

P.S. I look forward to talking with you. Click the link below to get started. 

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A QUICK QUESTION...

 

So... a quick question for you...

Grief is something we just don't talk about.
It's taboo.
It's uncomfortable.

Why is that? Should we break the taboo?
What are your thoughts?

My plan for the short term is to continue blogging about the subject of grief, 5 days each week. Then I will eventually settle on 3 days a week.

To do this and be relevant, I would love to have your input and comments.

After all, grief affects all of us. 

Please comment below, or send me a quick email by clicking here.

Sincerely,

Gerry van der Wende

www.advancelifetransformation.com 

Letting Go of Guilt and "What Ifs"

 

Releasing Self-Blame and Embracing God’s Grace

Grief is a heavy journey, and for many, it comes with an unwelcome companion—guilt. The "what ifs" and "if onlys" can torment your heart, making healing feel impossible. If you're struggling with self-blame, it's time to release that burden and embrace the grace God freely offers. You are not alone in this journey, and freedom from guilt is possible.

Understanding Grief and Guilt

Guilt often sneaks in after loss, whispering lies that keep you stuck in pain. Thoughts like:

• “What if I had done something differently?”

• “I should have been there more.”

• “If only I had said something before it was too late.”

These thoughts are natural but not helpful. They can lead to unnecessary suffering and prevent you from fully experiencing God’s peace. While it’s okay to acknowledge these feelings, you don’t have to let them define your healing journey.

Why Do We Feel Guilt in Grief?

Guilt can stem from different sources:

1. Regret Over Past Actions – Things you wish you had, or had not, done or said.

2. Survivor’s Guilt – Feeling unworthy of living when a loved one has passed.

3. Feeling Responsible – Blaming yourself for something that was beyond your control.

4. Unresolved Conflict – Wishing you had reconciled before it was too late.

Recognizing where your guilt comes from is the first step in overcoming it.

The Truth About Guilt and God's Grace

The enemy wants you to stay trapped in self-blame, but God calls you to freedom. His grace covers every mistake, every regret, and every "what if." Here’s what His Word says:

• Psalm 103:12 – "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us."

• Romans 8:1 – "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

• 1 John 1:9 – "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

If God does not condemn you, why continue condemning yourself?

Steps to Let Go of Guilt

1. Recognize the Lies and Replace Them with Truth

Guilt often distorts reality. Ask yourself: Is this guilt based on facts or feelings? God does not want you to live in self-condemnation. Replace guilt-driven thoughts with His truth. For example: if the guilt is based on feelings, tell yourself, “This guilt I'm feeling is a lie. It is not based on facts. The truth is, [name] is with Jesus, and Jesus and [name] both want me to continue on, free and without self-condemnation.”

2. Forgive Yourself
Just as God offers forgiveness, He invites you to forgive yourself. Holding onto guilt will not change the past, but releasing it will help you move forward. Sometimes we have done or said something that we regret. We ask God to forgive us. He is merciful and cleanses us. It takes a step of faith to believe this. But mercy is the story of the Bible. God has separated us from our sin “as far as the east is from the west”. If God has removed that sin, who are we to hang onto it? Are we more righteous than God?

3. Talk About It

Keeping guilt bottled up only strengthens its grip. Talk to a trusted friend, pastor, or grief coach about your feelings. James 5:16 tells us, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.” This applies to emotional healing as well as physical. Speaking your struggles out loud to another trusted individual can bring clarity and healing.

4. Pray and Surrender Your Burden to God

Prayer is powerful. Surrender your guilt to God and ask Him to fill your heart with His peace. A simple prayer like this can help: “Lord, I release this guilt to You. I know You are merciful and forgiving. Help me to accept Your grace and walk in freedom.”

5. Write a Letter to Your Loved One

If you have unresolved feelings, writing a letter can help. Express everything you didn’t get to say. Then, pray over it and release it into God’s hands.

6. Accept That You Did the Best You Could
Hindsight is 20/20. You made choices based on what you knew at the time. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you did your best, with the facts or situation as they appeared at the time.

7. Embrace God’s Healing Process

Healing takes time. Trust that God is working in your heart, even if you don’t feel it right away. Surround yourself with supportive people and engage in activities that bring comfort.

Moving Forward in Grace

Letting go of guilt doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one or your experiences. It means choosing to honor their memory by living in the freedom God offers. Would living in guilt honor their memory? 

Instead of asking, “What if?” start asking, “What now?” How can you live in a way that honors both your loved one and God’s plan for your life?

Final Encouragement

Guilt is a thief—it steals your joy, your peace, and your ability to move forward. But grace is a gift, freely given by a loving God. Today, choose grace over guilt. Choose freedom over self-condemnation. Choose to trust that God’s love is bigger than any mistake you think you’ve made.

Need Support in Your Grief Journey?

If you’re struggling with guilt and need a safe space to heal, I invite you to join our ALT Christian Grief Recovery Community on Facebook. You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Just click on this link.

Sincerely,

Gerry van der Wende

www.advancelifetransformation.com

P.S. If you would like mutual support from others who have walked the same journey you are on, please feel free to join our ALT Christian Grief Recovery Community, by clicking here!

And you can always contact us by emailing us using the button below. We look forward to hearing from you! We are a “judgment-free zone”!

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How to Pray Through Grief

 

How to Pray Through Grief – When Words Feel Impossible

Grief can leave us feeling lost, numb, and even unable to pray. The pain is overwhelming, and words may not come easily.

But even in the darkest moments, prayer can be a source of comfort, strength, and healing. If you’re struggling to pray through grief, know that God understands your pain and invites you into His presence, just as you are.

Why Prayer Matters in Grief

When your heart is heavy, prayer becomes more than words—it becomes a lifeline. Here’s why prayer is essential during grief:

• It connects you with God’s presence – Even when you feel alone, God is near.

• It gives you a safe space to express emotions – Grief is complex, and prayer allows you to pour out your heart.
• It brings peace beyond understanding – God’s comfort can calm the storm inside you.

• It strengthens your faith – Even when you don’t see the way forward, prayer keeps you anchored.

How to Pray When Words Won’t Come

If you feel stuck, try these simple ways to pray through grief:

1. Pray with Scripture

When you can’t find the words, let God’s Word guide you. The Psalms are especially powerful in grief. Try praying Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Speak these words aloud or meditate on them. Let them be your prayer when you have none of your own.

Here are 10 Psalms you can adapt into prayers when grief makes it hard to find the words: Psalm 23:4 – “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.”

Prayer: "Lord, I feel lost in the valley of sorrow, but I trust that You are with me. Guide me through this darkness." Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Prayer: "God, my heart is shattered. Draw near to me and hold me in Your love." Psalm 42:11 – “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him.”
Prayer: "Lord, my soul is heavy with grief. Help me to hope in You, even when I don’t understand."

Psalm 61:2 – “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
Prayer: "Jesus, I feel overwhelmed. Be my refuge and my strength today."

Psalm 62:8 – “Trust in Him at all times; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.”
Prayer: "Father, I pour out my grief to You. Be my shelter and my safe place."

Psalm 73:26 – “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Prayer: "Lord, I feel weak, but You are my strength. Carry me when I cannot stand."

Psalm 77:1-2 – “I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord.”
Prayer: "God, I cry out to You. Hear my pain and hold me close in this season of loss."

Psalm 91:4 – “He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings, you will find refuge.”
Prayer: "Lord, shelter me in Your peace. Let me rest under Your wings."

Psalm 147:3 – “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Prayer: "Jesus, my heart is broken. Heal me and bring peace to my wounded soul."

Psalm 30:5 – “Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”
Prayer: "God, I know this pain won’t last forever. Help me hold on to the promise of joy to come."

2. Use Breath Prayers

Short, simple prayers can be powerful. As you inhale, whisper a phrase. As you exhale, say another. For example:

• Inhale: “Lord, I need You.” Exhale: “Hold me in Your love.”

• Inhale: “Jesus, be near.” Exhale: “Carry me through.”

This keeps you focused on God even when your mind feels scattered.

3. Write Your Prayers

Journaling your prayers can help when speaking feels too hard. Write a letter to God, sharing your pain, questions, and hopes. There’s no right or wrong way—just be honest.

4. Pray Through Music

Worship can be a powerful way to pray without words. Find songs that speak to your heart and let them become your prayer. Songs like “It Is Well” or “Come to Jesus” can be deeply healing.

5. Sit in Silence with God

Sometimes, the best prayer is simply sitting in God’s presence. You don’t have to say anything. Just rest in the knowledge that He is with you.

6. Prayers for Different Stages of Grief

Here are some prayers you can use, no matter where you are in your journey:

When You Feel Overwhelmed:
“Lord, my heart is heavy. I don’t know how to move forward. Please hold me in Your love and give me strength for today.”

When You Feel Angry or Confused:
“God, I don’t understand why this happened. I feel lost and frustrated. Help me to trust You even in my pain.”

When You Feel Hopeless:
“Jesus, I can’t see the light right now. Remind me that You are with me and that hope is still ahead.”

When You Need Comfort:
“Holy Spirit, wrap me in Your peace. Fill my heart with Your presence and help me to rest in Your love.”

Trusting God Through the Healing Process

Grief is not a journey you take alone. God is walking with you every step of the way. Even when your prayers feel weak, He hears you. Even when you don’t have the strength to speak, He understands.

Take small steps. Pray in whatever way feels right. Trust that God will meet you where you are.

Final Encouragement

If you’re struggling to pray through grief, know this: God sees you. He hears you. He loves you. Keep turning to Him, even in the silence, and He will carry you through. Sincerely,

Gerry van der Wende www.advancelifetransformation.com

P.S. If you feel you need support and encouragement, consider joining our Christian grief support community on Facebook. I have just activated it. You don’t have to go through this alone. Let’s walk this journey together.

If you would like to speak with us personally, please email us using the button below, we will try to get back to you within 24 hours.

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