Finding God's Comfort in the Midst of Your Grief

Hello dear friends,

It’s a quiet Sunday afternoon here, and my thoughts are with each of you. If you’re reading this, chances are your heart is heavy, a quiet ache that only those who have walked the path of grief can truly understand. When the person you built your life with is no longer physically by your side, your world can feel incredibly lonely. We miss having our spouse with us, our heart aches.

In those moments, one of the deepest cries of our spirit is for comfort. We long for a sense of peace that transcends our pain, a reassurance that we are not alone, and that our faith, which felt so strong before, can still hold us now.

Is Your Heart Crying Out for Comfort?

Do you ever find yourself staring into space, a wave of sadness washing over you, and wonder, "Where is God in this?" Perhaps you've prayed, poured out your heart, and yet the comfort feels elusive. You might be wrestling with the "why" - why this loss, why now, why me?

The truth is, these questions are natural. They are not a sign of weak faith, but a reflection of a deeply wounded heart seeking solace.

I’ve been there. I remember the piercing grief after Leni passed. There were days when the silence in the house was deafening, and the world outside seemed to spin on without a care. In those moments, the very foundation of my belief felt tested. Can God truly comfort a heart as broken as mine? Does He really see this specific, unique pain? Does He care about my sorrow?

If any of this resonates with you, please know that you are seen, you are heard, and you are not forgotten by God. Your desire for comfort and spiritual reassurance is more than a desire, it’s a deep need that God longs to meet.

Discovering the Unseen Embrace

When we are overwhelmed by sorrow, it can be hard to perceive God’s comfort.

Often, it can be a gentle whisper, a quiet peaceful presence, a subtle shift in perspective. Think of it like this: when we’re in a dark room, our eyes need time to adjust before we can see the faint outlines of objects. Similarly, in the darkness of grief, our spiritual eyes need to adjust to perceive God's comfort, which is always there, even when we can't feel it.

Our faith, even if it feels shaken by grief, can actually be the vessel through which God pours His comfort. It comes in the quiet moments of prayer, even if words fail us. Perhaps a familiar passage of scripture suddenly takes on new meaning. It's in the unexpected kindness of a friend, or the beauty of nature that reminds us of His creation. These are all touchpoints for His comforting presence.

The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

This isn't just a beautiful verse. It is true. God is the "God of all comfort." He doesn’t just offer comfort; He is comfort. And He is faithful to share that comfort with you, in all your troubles. This means your specific, unique trouble right now.

Knowing He Is With You, Always

Imagine for a moment being held in the gentlest, most loving embrace. An embrace that understands every tear, every fear, every unanswered question. That’s the embrace God offers us. His sovereignty, which can sometimes feel distant or even unfair in our grief, is actually the very thing that assures us of His unwavering control and goodness.

He is not surprised by your loss. He knew. And in His infinite wisdom, He is working all things for good, even if we cannot see the full tapestry yet.

This understanding doesn’t erase the pain, but it puts it into a larger context. It allows you to depend on His strength when you feel weakest, to trust His plan when confusion reigns, and to trust in His love when loneliness threatens to overwhelm.

Your faith doesn’t just sustain you. It connects you to the ultimate source of peace and healing.

This journey of grief is deeply personal, but it’s not meant to be walked alone. God walks with you every step of the way. He collects every tear (Psalm 56:8). He understands every groan (Romans 8:26). He is your refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1).

Here are some practical actions you can take to help you experience this profound comfort and spiritual reassurance:

• Create a "Comfort Corner": Find a quiet spot in your home, maybe with a comfortable chair, your Bible, a journal, and a warm blanket. This becomes your dedicated space for connecting with God.

• Embrace Scriptural Comfort: Read Psalms like 23, 34, 46, and 121. Read them slowly, letting the words soak into your soul. Highlight or underline verses that speak directly to your heart.

• Journal Your "Why" Questions (and Your Answers): Write down your honest questions and doubts. Then, next to them, write down truths about God's character you know to be true (e.g., God is good, God is loving, God is faithful). This helps re-center your perspective.

• Listen to Worship Music: Find songs that uplift your spirit and focus on God's character. Let the melodies and lyrics wash over you, inviting His presence.

• Talk to Him, From Your Heart: You don't need fancy words. Just speak to God as you would to a loving Father or a trusted friend. Tell Him exactly how you feel, even if it may sound angry or confused. He can handle it.

• Find a Grief Supporter or Spiritual Mentor: Connect with another Christian who has experienced loss, or a pastor/mentor who can offer spiritual guidance and prayer. Sharing your heart can bring immense comfort.

• Practice Mindful Prayer/Meditation: Take a few minutes each day to simply be still in God’s presence. Breathe deeply, and focus on Him being with you, right now. You might try meditating on a single verse, like "I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20).

• Engage in Acts of Self-Care as Spiritual Care: Taking care of your physical and emotional self (adequate rest, healthy food, gentle exercise) isn't being selfish - it helps you be more receptive to God's comfort.

Action: Take a Step to Receive His Comfort Today

My friend, you don't have to carry this burden alone. God is not distant - He is closer than you can imagine. He longs to wrap you in His peace and remind you of His unfailing love. It’s okay to talk to Him about your pain, to wrestle with your questions, and to allow yourself to be comforted.

This week, I invite you to choose just one or two of the practical steps above. Start small, but make a start. Open your heart a little more to His presence. Seek His Word. And remember, every tear you shed is seen, every ache you feel is known, and every prayer you whisper is heard by the God of all comfort.

You are loved. You are strong. And you are walking this path with a faithful God who is eager to embrace you.

With warmth and hope,


Gerry van der Wende Advance Life Transformation PS: What is your biggest need right now? Please email us if you would like us to pray for you. We are here for you.

"Why, God?" - Some Thoughts on Understanding Pain

Good morning, friends. Here's a question that comes up in every heart touched by loss: Why does God allow pain? This question can feel especially heavy for those of us who have walked through the valley of the shadow. If God is good, if God is love, why does He allow suffering in our lives?

It's a question as old as time. There isn't always a simple answer, a neat package to tie up the mystery of suffering. But within the Bible, we find threads of understanding, not to erase the pain, but to help us navigate it.

One thing the Bible makes clear is that God didn't create suffering. He created a perfect world. But sin entered that world, and with it, pain and death. We live in a fallen world, and sometimes, pain is simply a consequence of that brokenness.

Think of it this way: if you drop a vase, it shatters. That's not the fault of the one who made the vase; it's the result of gravity and the vase's fragility. In a similar way, some suffering comes from living in a world where things break.

But that doesn't fully satisfy the question, does it? What about the pain that seems so focused and personal? The loss of a spouse, a devastating diagnosis, the ache of loneliness? Where is God in that?

The Bible offers several perspectives:

• Suffering can reveal our need for a Savior. Pain exposes our vulnerability. It reminds us that we aren't in control, that we need someone beyond ourselves. In our weakness, we find our strength in Him.

• Suffering can produce endurance and character. Romans 5:3-5 tells us that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Like a muscle that grows stronger under resistance, our faith can grow deeper and stronger through trials.

• Suffering can teach us compassion. When we've known pain, we can better understand the pain of others. We can "weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15) not just with our words, but with our hearts.

• Suffering can draw us closer to Christ. Jesus himself suffered. He knows our pain. When we suffer, we share in His suffering, and can find a deeper connection with Him. 

• God can bring good out of suffering. This doesn't mean the suffering itself is good, but that God can use even the darkest experiences to bring about good in our lives and the lives of others. Romans 8:28 reminds us that God works all things together for the good of those who love him.

For those of us who are grieving, particularly widows, these words may sometimes feel hollow. Grief is a unique and agonizing journey. It can sometimes feel as though God has abandoned us. But He hasn't. He promises to be near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). He is the "God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Here are some actions to take to cope with your pain, and to find God in the midst of it:

1. Acknowledge your pain. Don't try to suppress it or pretend it doesn't exist. Be honest with yourself and with God about how you're feeling. Pour out your heart to Him. He can deal with your anger, your sadness, your confusion.

2. Immerse yourself in God's Word. The Bible is full of stories of people who suffered, and how God met them in their suffering. Find scriptures that speak to your situation. The Psalms, in particular, offer words of comfort, lament, and hope.

3. Connect with other believers. Don't isolate yourself. Find a community of faith where you can be supported and encouraged. Share your burdens with others, and allow them to share theirs with you.

4. Practice prayer and meditation. Spend time in quiet reflection, seeking God's presence. Ask Him for comfort, for guidance, for strength. Listen for His still, small voice.

5. Look for ways to serve others. It may seem counterintuitive when you're hurting, but focusing on the needs of others can actually bring healing and purpose to your own life. Use your experience to comfort and encourage those who are going through similar struggles.

I know that words can feel inadequate in the face of deep pain. But I pray that they will offer a glimmer of hope, a reminder that you are not alone, and that God is with you, even in the darkest valleys. He is the God who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Walking with you,

Gerry van der Wende

Advance Life Transformation

PS: Please email us if you would like us to pray. Let us know the situation. We will stand with you in prayer.

Good News and Better News!

Good morning dear friends! During the past couple of weeks the Lord has been speaking to me about the direction of our Advance Life Transformation ministry. When I started this originally, it was as a ministry to reach out to help the hurting heal and thrive. And believe me, there are plenty of hurting people around us. A broad audience.

During the past couple of years I have been developing a ministry specifically to grieving Christian women. In marketing terms, these were my niche, the specific audience I wanted to reach.

But these are only a small part of the multitudes who need emotional and spiritual healing. My focus is now going to include those with other needs for healing, as well. My future blog posts will reflect this adjusted focus, without neglecting grief recovery.

Please understand that I am still continuing with the grief recovery ministry. This is important. My book "From Grief to New Purpose" is now complete. (I have tested the links and they are working.) This coming two weeks I will be publishing it on Amazon, and from my website.

I will keep you up to date as we move forward. Thank you for your prayers!

Sincerely, Gerry van der Wende

www.advancelifetransformation.com PS: Please always feel free to contact me by email at advancelifetransformation@gmail.com

Update on "From Grief to New Purpose"

Good morning all my friends! This at last is my first post this week. I just have to let you know what has been going on. I usually post 2 or 3 times per week, this week has been different.

The good news is, my e-book “From Grief to New Purpose” is complete (at least until l edit it for the umpteenth time). This baby has been two years in the making, and I am so stoked to have finished it! It is 178 pages, very readable, and it conveys the Christian reader from the initial shock and numbness after loss of your spouse, through the emotional roller coaster, the depression of loss of identity, then the glimpse of hope, the discovery of new purpose for your life, and becoming a wiser, deeper, more mature person on the other side, while still honoring the memory of your spouse.

I wish I had this book as I navigated my own journey with grief, after losing my dear first wife Leni to cancer. It would have made the journey so much less confusing, and so much more purposeful. 

The frustration of this week has been this: I have links in the extensive table of contents, which take the reader straight to the section they want to read. I also added page numbers, for those who prefer navigating that way. I wrote this book in Google docs, and the links work perfectly in that format. When I turn the book into a pdf, though, the links appear to stop working. This really messed me up.

Then I discovered, when I look at the pdf in the windows environment, the links actually do work. And if I use a pdf reader, they work. It appears it may be a problem with the current iteration of the Google Chrome ecosystem. In which case I hope it will soon be fixed.

So I am going to upload the book into my marketing platform Systeme.io, and test it there. Hopefully all will be well. These two years have been one long learning curve, but I look forward to getting this much-needed book into your hands!

I love you all, thank you for your support along this journey!

Today is Pentecost, the day the early church was empowered to burst forth on the world stage! I pray that God will use this book to help you too, along your personal journey towards God's new future for you. 

Sincerely,

Gerry van der Wende
www.advancelifetransformation.com 

Remembering Our Fallen Heroes

Good morning friends!

Today is Memorial Day here in the United States, a day when we remember those who gave their lives so we may live in liberty. We fly the flag to show our remembrance, and our love of our country. Some of us personally lost our loved one when they gave their life, whether in the battles of the First and Second World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq or Afghanistan, or any of the myriad of conflicts in which the United States has been involved. In the name of preserving freedom. If you lost a husband or wife, son or daughter, father, mother or close friend, the loss is especially poignant. The loss is enormous, and has probably left its mark on you. Paul asks the question, "Death, where is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:55), when talking about the resurrection of the dead. The ultimate antidote for death is the resurrection. Death is not a permanent state. Our loss is real, the absence of our loved ones in this life hurts terribly. But for the Christian, this is tempered by the knowledge that we will one day meet up withy them again, their tragic loss is temporary. We eagerly wait for the return of our Lord and Savior, and the accompanying resurrection of the dead in Christ. A divine appointment, where we will be reunited with our loved ones on that glorious day. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, 18 "But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus... Therefore comfort one another with these words." Even so, Come Lord Jesus! Sincerely, Gerry van der Wende www.advancelifetransformation.com

My Book is Almost Ready - I'm Excited!

Good morning friends!

I've been working on "From Grief to New Purpose" for a long time, but they say slow and steady wins the race!

Yesterday I finished revising the text, and I'm really excited! There are a few more things that need doing, but the hardest part is done. I plan to offer it next week, in this blog and from my website.

This first e-book will present the essential parts of my grief recovery program, in a practical way.

Things like: facing your loss, dealing with your grief emotions, finding out who you really are now after losing your spouse, discovering new purpose in your life.

It will be at a highly affordable price, because I want to get this information out to as many people who need it, as possible. I know what is like to grieve and have no idea how it all will play out. That is why I want to get it into your hands, quickly.

My next step will be to develop and test the mechanism for marketing and selling the book. And then I will offer it in this blog!

I know some of you recently lost loved ones, and I care about you. If you would like to connect in the meantime, before the book comes out (afterwards as well of course) please feel free to send me a message on FB messenger. I would be more than happy to help you.

So have a great day! Love you all!

Sincerely, Gerry van der Wende www.advancelifetransformation.com

Beyond the Tears - Finding God in Your Pain

Life has a way of changing everything in a heartbeat, doesn't it? One moment, you're walking alongside your husband, planning, dreaming, living. The next, you find yourself alone, with a heart that feels like it's shattered into a million pieces.

When loss hits, especially the loss of your husband, it can feel like God has moved away. Like He's packed up His bags, dimmed the lights, and left you in a dark room. The silence may be deafening. The ache consumes you. God seems distant, perhaps even absent.

But it's in these very moments of deepest pain, when you feel most exposed and vulnerable, that God can often draw incredibly near. Not always in the way you expect, or with a clear, audible voice, but in quiet, profound ways that reshape your understanding of His presence.

Think about it. When life is smooth, when everything is going well, it’s easy to just cruise along. We can rely on our own strength, our own plans, our own understanding. Our faith can become a comfortable routine, a pleasant addition to an already good life. But when the rug is pulled out from under us, when our world crumbles, all those familiar supports disappear. Suddenly you are left with a need, a hole you cannot fill.

And that need is where God meets you.

It's in the quiet spaces, after the initial shock has settled down a little, that you begin to notice Him. Perhaps it’s a flicker of peace in the midst of turmoil. An unexpected kindness from a stranger. A particular verse from Scripture that speaks directly to your heart, as if written just for you, at that very moment. Or maybe it’s just the quiet realization that you are managing to stay upright and that Someone is sustaining you.

Grief is messy. It's a long, winding road with unexpected turns. But God is there along that road, even when your vision is blurred by tears. He doesn't move away. He doesn't abandon you. Instead, He often uses the very discomfort of your pain to draw you into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him than you might have ever known before.

It’s like being refined in fire. The heat is intense, the process is agonizing. But what emerges is something stronger, more pure. Your faith, stretched and tested, can become more robust, more real. You learn to rely on Him in ways you never needed to before. You experience His comfort not as something theoretical, but as a living, breathing reality in your darkest hours.

You might feel a desperate yearning for His presence. A hunger you didn't know you had. This desire, born out of your pain, is a pathway. It’s an invitation to lean in to God, even when that may feel like the hardest thing you could imagine.

So, how do you find this deeper connection when your heart is aching and your mind is clouded by sorrow?

Here are some practical steps you can take, even when it feels like too much:

• Speak to Him: Just talk. Don't worry about saying it just right. Tell Him what you feel. Tell Him you're angry, sad, lost. Tell Him you miss your husband. Tell Him you don't understand. He can handle it. He longs to hear from you.

• Open His Word: Pick up your Bible. Start with the Psalms (many of which express profound sorrow and longing for God.) Even if you only read a few verses, allow the words to sink in. Don't try hard to understand perfectly, simply receive.

• Listen to Christian Music: Find songs that speak of God's comfort and faithfulness. Let the melodies and lyrics minister to your spirit when your own prayers feel stuck.

• Find a Quiet Space: Even five minutes in a quiet room, focusing on your breathing and simply acknowledging God's presence, can make a difference. Simple awareness.

• Connect with a Trusted Believer: Share your heart with a Christian friend, pastor, or mentor who understands grief. Allow them to pray for you and remind you of God's truth. Sometimes, God's presence is most tangible through the love of His people.

• Notice the Small Things: Look for tiny signs of His care. A beautiful sunrise. A comforting phone call. A favorite hymn playing at just the right moment. 

• Serve Someone Else (When You're Ready): Even a small act of kindness for another person can shift your focus and open a pathway for God's grace to flow through you. 

You can’t deal with your grief by willpower. You walk through it, day by day, moment by moment, with God right beside you. He is not distant. He is not indifferent. He is the God who collects your tears, who understands your pain, and who promises to be near the brokenhearted.

The tears will still come. The pain will still linger. But beneath it all, you may find a deeper connection to the One who loves you more than you can imagine. A connection forged in the fires of loss, stronger and more real than before. And that, my friends, is a profound discovery in the midst of your most challenging season.

My prayer is that you will find connection with the Lord “Who comforts us in all our troubles”, and receive His peace in this time of grieving.

Sincerely

Gerry van der Wende

Advance Life Transformation
www.advancelifetransformation.com


P.S. As always, please send us a short email if you need prayer or would like us to call you. We will respond within 24 hours.