When God Feels Far Away - Finding His Presence While Grieving

Your heart aches. The silence in your home can feel deafening, but sometimes, the loudest silence of all is the one you perceive from God. Perhaps, like so many people I've walked alongside, you lie awake at night, the darkness amplifying the questions that echo in your soul: "Where is God in all of this? Why did He allow this to happen to us?"

Perhaps, beneath those questions, there’s a deeper, unspoken pain – a feeling of spiritual pain so profound it shakes the very ground of your faith. You’re looking for God, longing for His comfort, and feeling His absence. You might even feel a sense of betrayal, struggling to reconcile the God of all comfort with the raw, unrelenting reality of your loss.

If these words resonate, please know this: You are not alone in these feelings, and your faith is not failing because you ask these questions. In fact, these are the cries of a heart yearning for truth, even amidst deep pain. And God, in His infinite understanding, hears every single cry.

God's Understanding of Our Human Frailty

The Bible is filled with stories of people who questioned God, who wrestled with Him, and who felt His absence. Job, overwhelmed by inexplicable suffering, cried out, "Why did I not perish at birth?" (Job 3:11). David, a man after God's own heart, penned laments like, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Psalm 22:1). Even Jesus Himself, on the cross, uttered those very words.

These aren't signs of weak faith; they are expressions of profound human anguish in the face of suffering too great to bear. God doesn't rebuke their questions; He welcomes them. He doesn't condemn our frailties; He understands them.

Think of it: God, who knit you together in your mother's womb, knows the intricate workings of your mind and heart. He knows the depths of human love and the devastation of its loss. He doesn't expect you to be a stoic, emotionless robot in grief. He sees your tears, hears your cries, and understands that sometimes, the most honest prayer is a whispered, "Why, Lord?"

His promise is not to prevent all pain, but to be present within it. Even when our feelings shout "no," His truth remains: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). His compassions never fail; they are new every morning, even if you can only glimpse them through tear-filled eyes.

Who Are You Now? Personal vs. Spiritual Identity

When your husband passed, so much of your "personal identity" shifted. You were a wife, perhaps a caregiver, a partner in countless shared routines, dreams, and social circles. Now, that deeply ingrained identity as "married" is gone, and you’re faced with the label of "widow."

This new self-perception can be incredibly heavy and discouraging. It can feel like a diminished version of yourself, a woman who is "less than" or "alone." This earthly view of ourselves, based on our roles and experiences, is naturally inconsistent. It changes with every life stage, every success, and every profound loss.

But: God’s view of you has never changed.

Before you were a wife, before you were a widow, you were, and always will be, a beloved daughter of the Most High King.

• Your Personal Identity: "I am a widow. My status has changed. My daily life is different. I am learning to navigate this new role." (This is real and valid.)

• Your Spiritual Identity: "I am a child of God, chosen, cherished, fearfully and wonderfully made. I am redeemed, forgiven, and eternally loved by my Creator, in whom all my worth is found." (This is eternal and unwavering.)

God doesn't see "widow" first; He sees His precious child. He sees the masterpiece He created, the one He sustains with every breath. He reminds us, "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Ephesians 2:10). His plans for you did not end with your husband's passing.

This unchanging view of God is your anchor in the storm of shifting identity. When you feel discouraged by your new status, when the world sees you as "just a widow," you can turn to God, your High Tower, your place of refuge. The way He sees you — as capable, cherished, and purposed — gives you encouragement for the future. You have moved from being married to being single again, but God's love for you, His plan for you, has never changed. This, my friend, is where hope for your future truly lies.

Practical Steps to Align Your Thinking with God's Truth

It's one thing to know this truth in your head, and another to feel it in your heart when grief is raging. But there are practical steps you can take to help align your thinking with God's unchanging view of you:

• Name the Lie, Claim the Truth: When you catch yourself thinking a discouraging thought about your new identity ("I'm just a widow now," "My life is over"), stop and consciously name it as a lie. Then, replace it with a biblical truth about who God says you are (e.g., "I am a new creation in Christ," "I am fearfully and wonderfully made," "God has plans for me"). Keep a list of these scriptures handy.

• Practice "Honest Prayer": Don't try to pray the perfect prayer. God doesn't need flowery words; He seeks your honest heart. Tell Him exactly how you feel – your anger, your confusion, your pain, your sense of betrayal. Just as the psalmists did, lay it all bare before Him. He is able to handle it.

• Immerse Yourself in God's Word (Even Briefly): Even if it's just one verse a day, read scripture that speaks about God's love, comfort, and purpose. Focus on Psalms, Lamentations, or the reassuring words of Jesus. Don't push yourself to do long devotions if you lack the energy. A single verse can be a helpful lifeline.

• Seek God in Nature: Sometimes, when words fail, simply stepping outside and observing God's creation can remind you of His vastness, His beauty, and His faithfulness. See the trees, the sky, the changing seasons – reminders of a Creator who sustains all things.

• Connect with Your Spiritual Community: Even when you feel isolated, reach out. Attend church (even if it's online), join a small group, or connect with a trusted Christian friend. Letting others minister to you, pray with you, and remind you of God’s presence is vital. You don’t have to do this alone.

• Embrace Your Grief as a Spiritual Process: See your grief not as an obstacle to your faith, but as a crucible through which your faith is being refined. God is working in the deep places of your heart, even when it feels like darkness.

Dear one, God has not left you. He is with you in every tear, every question, every moment of fear, and every glimmer of hope. Your identity in Him is secure, eternal, and full of purpose. Depend on that truth, even when your feelings say no. He is your High Tower, and He will guide you through this wilderness to a new season of grace.

Praying for you,

--- Gerry

P.S. Please feel free to connect with me by email, by clicking here

Reclaiming Identity After Loss

Today I want to talk about something quite personal: your identity.

When you become a widow, it's not just your life that changes, but often, how you see yourself. The woman you were, the wife you were - that's deeply entwined with your past. Now, as a widow, you might find yourself grappling with a new, sometimes unsettling, sense of who you are, today.

It’s a natural part of this journey. The person you were as a married woman feels different from the person you are now. Your roles have shifted, your routines have changed, and the world often looks at you differently, too. This can feel disorienting, even discouraging. You might catch yourself thinking, "Who am I now?" or "Am I still valuable without my husband by my side?"

Personal Identity vs. Spiritual Identity

Let's take a look at this. We have what I will call our personal identity. This is how we see ourselves, shaped by our experiences, our roles, our relationships, and even our emotions. It’s fluid. Before, you might have identified strongly as a wife, a partner, a part of a couple. Now, that part of your personal identity has changed. You are a widow, and that new label can feel heavy.

Perhaps you feel diminished, or less whole. Maybe you struggle with loneliness, and that loneliness begins to define how you see yourself. These are real feelings, and they are valid. Our personal identity often changes with our circumstances, rising and falling with the tides of life.

But then there's your spiritual identity. This is very different. Your spiritual identity is how God sees you. And here’s the truth: His view of you has never, ever changed. It’s consistent, constant, and completely untouched by your circumstances, your marital status, or your grief.

Before your husband passed, God saw you as His dear daughter, fearfully and wonderfully made. Today, as a widow navigating loss, He still sees you as His beloved daughter, fearfully and wonderfully made. His love for you isn't dependent on your earthly roles; it's rooted in who He is, and who you are to Him.

The Impact Widowhood Has on Your Personal Identity

When we lean too heavily on our personal identity as a widow, it can change how we see ourselves:

• Isolation: You might feel set apart, different from your married friends, leading to isolation and withdrawal.
• Loss of Purpose: If your primary purpose was tied to your role as a wife, you might feel adrift.
• Diminished Self-Worth: You might mistakenly believe your value has lessened because you are no longer part of a couple.
• Fear of the Future: The unknown can seem vast and intimidating when your identity feels uncertain.

These feelings are powerful, and they can make the path forward seem blurry. It's okay to acknowledge them, but we don't have to let them define us entirely.

Turning to Our High Tower

Here’s where your spiritual identity becomes your rock. When those discouraging thoughts creep in, when you feel diminished or lost, you can turn to God. He is your "high tower," your "place of refuge." Think of a high tower as a place of perspective, a place where you can see beyond the immediate fog and fear.

From His perspective, you are not defined by your loss, but by His everlasting love and unchanging grace. He sees your strength, your resilience, and the beautiful spirit He placed within you. He sees His plans for your future, even when you can’t.

The way God sees us gives us immense encouragement. You've moved from being married to being single again, a significant shift in your personal life. But God's view of you, His precious child, has never wavered. This consistency is not only comforting; it’s a source of hope for His continued purpose for your life. He has a future for you, full of meaning and grace.

Aligning Your Thinking with God's Thinking

How can we practically align our often-shifting personal identity with God’s unwavering view of our spiritual identity? It’s a journey, not a destination, but here are some steps that can help:

• Spend Time in God’s Word: Read scriptures about His love for you, His promises, and how He sees His children. Focus on verses that declare your worth, your strength, and His faithfulness.
• Pray and Talk to Him: Share your feelings of confusion or discouragement about your identity. Ask Him to show you how He sees you. He delights in drawing near to you.
• Journal Your Thoughts: Write down how you feel about yourself as a widow. Then, write down what you know to be true about God’s view of you. This can help you see the difference and intentionally shift your focus.
• Affirm Your Spiritual Identity: Regularly declare out loud who God says you are: "I am a beloved child of God," "I am strong in His grace," "I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
• Connect with Supportive Believers: Share your struggles with trusted Christian friends or a small group. Their loving encouragement can remind you of God's truth.
• Identify New Purpose: As you heal, prayerfully consider how God might be calling you to use your experiences and gifts in new ways. This isn't about replacing your past, but embracing a meaningful future.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself through this process. It takes time to grieve and to redefine. Remember that God's compassion for you is endless.Your journey is unique, but you are not alone. God holds you in His unfailing love. 

As you depend on His truth, your spiritual identity will anchor you, giving you strength, hope, and a clear vision for the future He has designed for you. Your present is a time of transition, to your future. You are cherished, you are valued, and your story is far from over.

Caring for you,

~ Gerry

P.S. Please feel free to connect with me by email, by clicking here.