Dear friend,
My heart knows the ache you carry. The silence in your home can feel deafening, but sometimes, the loudest silence of all is the one you perceive from God. Perhaps, like so many people I've walked alongside, you lie awake at night, the darkness amplifying the questions that echo in your soul: "Where is God in all of this? Why did He allow this to happen to us?"
Perhaps, beneath those questions, there’s a deeper, unspoken pain – a feeling of spiritual pain so profound it shakes the very ground of your faith. You’re looking for God, longing for His comfort, and feeling His absence. You might even feel a sense of betrayal, struggling to reconcile the God of all comfort with the raw, unrelenting reality of your loss.
If these words resonate, please know this: You are not alone in these feelings, and your faith is not failing because you ask these questions. In fact, these are the cries of a heart yearning for truth, even amidst deep pain. And God, in His infinite understanding, hears every single cry.
God's Understanding of Our Human Frailty
The Bible is filled with stories of people who questioned God, who wrestled with Him, and who felt His absence. Job, overwhelmed by inexplicable suffering, cried out, "Why did I not perish at birth?" (Job 3:11). David, a man after God's own heart, penned laments like, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Psalm 22:1). Even Jesus Himself, on the cross, uttered those very words.
These aren't signs of weak faith; they are expressions of profound human anguish in the face of suffering too great to bear. God doesn't rebuke their questions; He welcomes them. He doesn't condemn our frailties; He understands them.
Think of it: God, who knit you together in your mother's womb, knows the intricate workings of your mind and heart. He knows the depths of human love and the devastation of its loss. He doesn't expect you to be a stoic, emotionless robot in grief. He sees your tears, hears your cries, and understands that sometimes, the most honest prayer is a whispered, "Why, Lord?"
His promise is not to prevent all pain, but to be present within it. Even when our feelings shout "no," His truth remains: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). His compassions never fail; they are new every morning, even if you can only glimpse them through tear-filled eyes.
Who Are You Now? Personal vs. Spiritual Identity
When your husband passed, so much of your "personal identity" shifted. You were a wife, perhaps a caregiver, a partner in countless shared routines, dreams, and social circles. Now, that deeply ingrained identity as "married" is gone, and you’re faced with the label of "widow."
This new self-perception can be incredibly heavy and discouraging. It can feel like a diminished version of yourself, a woman who is "less than" or "alone." This earthly view of ourselves, based on our roles and experiences, is naturally inconsistent. It changes with every life stage, every success, and every profound loss.
But here’s the powerful, unshakable truth: God’s view of you has never changed.
Before you were a wife, before you were a widow, you were, and always will be, a beloved daughter of the Most High King.
Your Personal Identity: "I am a widow. My status has changed. My daily life is different. I am learning to navigate this new role." (This is real and valid.)
Your Spiritual Identity: "I am a child of God, chosen, cherished, fearfully and wonderfully made. I am redeemed, forgiven, and eternally loved by my Creator, in whom all my worth is found." (This is eternal and unwavering.)
God doesn't see "widow" first; He sees His precious child. He sees the masterpiece He created, the one He sustains with every breath. He reminds us, "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Ephesians 2:10). His plans for you did not end with your husband's passing.
This unchanging view of God is your anchor in the storm of shifting identity. When you feel discouraged by your new status, when the world sees you as "just a widow," you can turn to God, your High Tower, your place of refuge. The way He sees you — as capable, cherished, and purposed — gives you encouragement for the future. You have moved from being married to being single again, but God's love for you, His plan for you, has never changed. This, my friend, is where hope for your future truly lies.
Practical Steps to Align Your Thinking with God's Truth
It's one thing to know this truth in your head, and another to feel it in your heart when grief is raging. But there are practical steps you can take to help align your thinking with God's unchanging view of you:
Name the Lie, Claim the Truth: When you catch yourself thinking a discouraging thought about your new identity ("I'm just a widow now," "My life is over"), stop and consciously name it as a lie. Then, replace it with a biblical truth about who God says you are (e.g., "I am a new creation in Christ," "I am fearfully and wonderfully made," "God has plans for me"). Keep a list of these scriptures handy.
Practice "Honest Prayer": Don't try to pray the perfect prayer. God doesn't need flowery words; He seeks your honest heart. Tell Him exactly how you feel – your anger, your confusion, your pain, your sense of betrayal. Just as the psalmists did, lay it all bare before Him. He is able to handle it.
Immerse Yourself in God's Word (Even Briefly): Even if it's just one verse a day, read scripture that speaks about God's love, comfort, and purpose. Focus on Psalms, Lamentations, or the reassuring words of Jesus. Don't push yourself to do long devotions if you lack the energy. A single verse can be a helpful lifeline.
Seek God in Nature: Sometimes, when words fail, simply stepping outside and observing God's creation can remind you of His vastness, His beauty, and His faithfulness. See the trees, the sky, the changing seasons – reminders of a Creator who sustains all things.
Connect with Your Spiritual Community: Even when you feel isolated, reach out. Attend church (even if it's online), join a small group, or connect with a trusted Christian friend. Letting others minister to you, pray with you, and remind you of God’s presence is vital. You don’t have to do this alone.
Embrace Your Grief as a Spiritual Process: See your grief not as an obstacle to your faith, but as a crucible through which your faith is being refined. God is working in the deep places of your heart, even when it feels like darkness.
Dear one, God has not left you. He is with you in every tear, every question, every moment of fear, and every glimmer of hope. Your identity in Him is secure, eternal, and full of purpose. Depend on that truth, even when your feelings say no. He is your High Tower, and He will guide you through this wilderness to a new season of grace.
Praying for you,
--- GerryP.S. Please feel free to connect with me by email, by clicking here
