Hello dear friends.
I had to take a break from posting, for a while. Life has been rather intense, for reasons I can't speak about here. But now it's a new year, and a fresh start. So I'm taking a deep breath, and continuing where we left off.
For those of you who do not know me, I lost my first wife in 1999. This was after a 19-year stretch battling Leni's cancer. Her passing marked the start of my grief journey.
It is now 25 years, 6 months and one day since Leni went home to be with Jesus. I still miss her today. I remarried, to my dear wife Dianne. We love each other deeply. And yet Leni still is a part of my memories. Though without the deep pain of loss I experienced during the months after she passed.
Now, here is a question. If you lose your wife, you become a widower. When you remarry, do you lose that label?
Here is what Google AI said: "No, once you remarry, you are no longer legally or technically a widower, as the term applies to a man whose spouse has died and who has not remarried; however, you still carry the experience of being widowed, and many people continue to identify with that past, feeling a spiritual or emotional connection to their deceased wife and their time as a widower. You become a husband again, and the focus shifts to your new relationship, but your history of loss doesn't disappear." (It referenced a relationship coach website: Abelkeough.com, "Is a Widower Still a Widower if He Remarries.")
The relationship the widower or widow had is still a valid memory. But it is healthier to move forward at an appropriate time, and release the focus on the past.
It is important though, that we allow ourselves to feel what we feel. Repressing our grief feelings because we or others feel we should be "over it", is not helpful. Each individual needs to grieve. That is the way we are made.
If we repress those feelings today, we will end up facing them later on. It is better to allow ourselves to own and express our emotions rather than to internalize them.
Sometimes we need help in managing these emotions. It may be helpful to speak to a pastor or grief coach or therapist. Or join a grief group, where you are able to open up in a safe space.
I hope this is helpful to you.
-- Gerry
P.S. Please feel free to comment on this below, or at my email address: gerry@advancelifetransformation.com
