Remember the day after the service?
The phone finally stopped ringing, the leftovers in the fridge start piling up, and the house fell deafeningly quiet.
You stood in the kitchen - maybe holding his favorite mug or looking at his shoes by the door - and the realization hits you: He isn’t coming back.
What you are feeling right now is not a sign that you are falling apart. It just tells you that your whole world has shifted.
When you lose your husband of many years, the grief changes everything. You might experience things that feel entirely overwhelming or confusing, such as:
Waking up in the middle of the night to a sudden, sharp wave of panic that you can't shake.
Standing in the grocery store aisle paralyzed because you are suddenly buying groceries for one, or you are staring at his favorite brand of coffee wondering if you should buy it or put it back.
Feeling a physical exhaustion that sleep doesn't touch, no matter how many hours you spend in bed.
Carrying around an exhausting worry about the future, wondering how you are going to take care of all the everyday decisions he used to take care of.
When the waves of grief feel heavy, it is hard to know how to get through the next hour, let alone the next month. But there are a few small steps you can take to help steady your footing:
Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. Tears, anger, numbness, or even a moment of relief - they are all okay. Stop trying to "stay strong" for everyone else and let yourself simply be yourself. You can be honest about how hard this is.
Anchor your mornings with one small routine. When the whole day stretches out before you, and you feel so alone, choose one simple routine - like brewing your coffee and sitting by the window for ten minutes before looking at your phone or your to-do list.
Lower your expectations for what a "good day" looks like. If all you did today was get out of bed, feed yourself, and breathe, that is a victory. Let go of any expectations of how you think you should be grieving.
Find one safe person you can trust. You don't have to talk to a crowd of people. Find that one friend or family member who won't offer toxic positivity or try to "fix" it, but will just sit with you in the quiet and let you talk about him.
Contrary to what some may say, time actually does not heal all wounds. Some losses leave scars that change us forever. But the sharp, jagged edges of this pain will soften, and little by little, you will find moments of light breaking back into your days. He loved you, and that love doesn't end just because he is gone from this earth. It lives on right inside of your heart.
Take a deep breath, wrap your hands around your coffee cup, and just take the next step. You are stronger than you know, and you aren't walking this journey on your own.
What's next? If this post resonated with you, I invite you to join with our private community of women who truly understand what it's like to walk this road. I will be posting here regularly. Click here to connect with us, share your story, or simply read along at your own pace. You belong here. - Gerry
