"Why, God?" - Some Thoughts on Understanding Pain

Good morning, friends. Here's a question that comes up in every heart touched by loss: Why does God allow pain? This question can feel especially heavy for those of us who have walked through the valley of the shadow. If God is good, if God is love, why does He allow suffering in our lives?

It's a question as old as time. There isn't always a simple answer, a neat package to tie up the mystery of suffering. But within the Bible, we find threads of understanding, not to erase the pain, but to help us navigate it.

One thing the Bible makes clear is that God didn't create suffering. He created a perfect world. But sin entered that world, and with it, pain and death. We live in a fallen world, and sometimes, pain is simply a consequence of that brokenness.

Think of it this way: if you drop a vase, it shatters. That's not the fault of the one who made the vase; it's the result of gravity and the vase's fragility. In a similar way, some suffering comes from living in a world where things break.

But that doesn't fully satisfy the question, does it? What about the pain that seems so focused and personal? The loss of a spouse, a devastating diagnosis, the ache of loneliness? Where is God in that?

The Bible offers several perspectives:

• Suffering can reveal our need for a Savior. Pain exposes our vulnerability. It reminds us that we aren't in control, that we need someone beyond ourselves. In our weakness, we find our strength in Him.

• Suffering can produce endurance and character. Romans 5:3-5 tells us that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Like a muscle that grows stronger under resistance, our faith can grow deeper and stronger through trials.

• Suffering can teach us compassion. When we've known pain, we can better understand the pain of others. We can "weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15) not just with our words, but with our hearts.

• Suffering can draw us closer to Christ. Jesus himself suffered. He knows our pain. When we suffer, we share in His suffering, and can find a deeper connection with Him. 

• God can bring good out of suffering. This doesn't mean the suffering itself is good, but that God can use even the darkest experiences to bring about good in our lives and the lives of others. Romans 8:28 reminds us that God works all things together for the good of those who love him.

For those of us who are grieving, particularly widows, these words may sometimes feel hollow. Grief is a unique and agonizing journey. It can sometimes feel as though God has abandoned us. But He hasn't. He promises to be near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). He is the "God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Here are some actions to take to cope with your pain, and to find God in the midst of it:

1. Acknowledge your pain. Don't try to suppress it or pretend it doesn't exist. Be honest with yourself and with God about how you're feeling. Pour out your heart to Him. He can deal with your anger, your sadness, your confusion.

2. Immerse yourself in God's Word. The Bible is full of stories of people who suffered, and how God met them in their suffering. Find scriptures that speak to your situation. The Psalms, in particular, offer words of comfort, lament, and hope.

3. Connect with other believers. Don't isolate yourself. Find a community of faith where you can be supported and encouraged. Share your burdens with others, and allow them to share theirs with you.

4. Practice prayer and meditation. Spend time in quiet reflection, seeking God's presence. Ask Him for comfort, for guidance, for strength. Listen for His still, small voice.

5. Look for ways to serve others. It may seem counterintuitive when you're hurting, but focusing on the needs of others can actually bring healing and purpose to your own life. Use your experience to comfort and encourage those who are going through similar struggles.

I know that words can feel inadequate in the face of deep pain. But I pray that they will offer a glimmer of hope, a reminder that you are not alone, and that God is with you, even in the darkest valleys. He is the God who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Walking with you,

Gerry van der Wende

Advance Life Transformation

PS: Please email us if you would like us to pray. Let us know the situation. We will stand with you in prayer.

Good News and Better News!

Good morning dear friends! During the past couple of weeks the Lord has been speaking to me about the direction of our Advance Life Transformation ministry. When I started this originally, it was as a ministry to reach out to help the hurting heal and thrive. And believe me, there are plenty of hurting people around us. A broad audience.

During the past couple of years I have been developing a ministry specifically to grieving Christian women. In marketing terms, these were my niche, the specific audience I wanted to reach.

But these are only a small part of the multitudes who need emotional and spiritual healing. My focus is now going to include those with other needs for healing, as well. My future blog posts will reflect this adjusted focus, without neglecting grief recovery.

Please understand that I am still continuing with the grief recovery ministry. This is important. My book "From Grief to New Purpose" is now complete. (I have tested the links and they are working.) This coming two weeks I will be publishing it on Amazon, and from my website.

I will keep you up to date as we move forward. Thank you for your prayers!

Sincerely, Gerry van der Wende

www.advancelifetransformation.com PS: Please always feel free to contact me by email at advancelifetransformation@gmail.com

Update on "From Grief to New Purpose"

Good morning all my friends! This at last is my first post this week. I just have to let you know what has been going on. I usually post 2 or 3 times per week, this week has been different.

The good news is, my e-book “From Grief to New Purpose” is complete (at least until l edit it for the umpteenth time). This baby has been two years in the making, and I am so stoked to have finished it! It is 178 pages, very readable, and it conveys the Christian reader from the initial shock and numbness after loss of your spouse, through the emotional roller coaster, the depression of loss of identity, then the glimpse of hope, the discovery of new purpose for your life, and becoming a wiser, deeper, more mature person on the other side, while still honoring the memory of your spouse.

I wish I had this book as I navigated my own journey with grief, after losing my dear first wife Leni to cancer. It would have made the journey so much less confusing, and so much more purposeful. 

The frustration of this week has been this: I have links in the extensive table of contents, which take the reader straight to the section they want to read. I also added page numbers, for those who prefer navigating that way. I wrote this book in Google docs, and the links work perfectly in that format. When I turn the book into a pdf, though, the links appear to stop working. This really messed me up.

Then I discovered, when I look at the pdf in the windows environment, the links actually do work. And if I use a pdf reader, they work. It appears it may be a problem with the current iteration of the Google Chrome ecosystem. In which case I hope it will soon be fixed.

So I am going to upload the book into my marketing platform Systeme.io, and test it there. Hopefully all will be well. These two years have been one long learning curve, but I look forward to getting this much-needed book into your hands!

I love you all, thank you for your support along this journey!

Today is Pentecost, the day the early church was empowered to burst forth on the world stage! I pray that God will use this book to help you too, along your personal journey towards God's new future for you. 

Sincerely,

Gerry van der Wende
www.advancelifetransformation.com 

Remembering Our Fallen Heroes

Good morning friends!

Today is Memorial Day here in the United States, a day when we remember those who gave their lives so we may live in liberty. We fly the flag to show our remembrance, and our love of our country. Some of us personally lost our loved one when they gave their life, whether in the battles of the First and Second World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq or Afghanistan, or any of the myriad of conflicts in which the United States has been involved. In the name of preserving freedom. If you lost a husband or wife, son or daughter, father, mother or close friend, the loss is especially poignant. The loss is enormous, and has probably left its mark on you. Paul asks the question, "Death, where is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:55), when talking about the resurrection of the dead. The ultimate antidote for death is the resurrection. Death is not a permanent state. Our loss is real, the absence of our loved ones in this life hurts terribly. But for the Christian, this is tempered by the knowledge that we will one day meet up withy them again, their tragic loss is temporary. We eagerly wait for the return of our Lord and Savior, and the accompanying resurrection of the dead in Christ. A divine appointment, where we will be reunited with our loved ones on that glorious day. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, 18 "But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus... Therefore comfort one another with these words." Even so, Come Lord Jesus! Sincerely, Gerry van der Wende www.advancelifetransformation.com

My Book is Almost Ready - I'm Excited!

Good morning friends!

I've been working on "From Grief to New Purpose" for a long time, but they say slow and steady wins the race!

Yesterday I finished revising the text, and I'm really excited! There are a few more things that need doing, but the hardest part is done.

This first e-book will present the essential parts of my grief recovery program, in a practical way.

Things like: facing your loss, dealing with your grief emotions, finding out who you really are now after losing your spouse, discovering new purpose in your life.

It will be at a highly affordable price, because I want to get this information out to as many people who need it, as possible. I know what is like to grieve and have no idea how it all will play out. That is why I want to get it into your hands, quickly.

My next step will be to develop and test the mechanism for marketing and selling the book. And then I will offer it in this blog!

I know some of you recently lost loved ones, and I care about you. If you would like to connect in the meantime, before the book comes out (afterwards as well of course) please feel free to send me an email by clicking here. I would be more than happy to help you.

So have a great day! Love you all!

Sincerely, Gerry van der Wende www.advancelifetransformation.com

Beyond the Tears - Finding God in Your Pain

Life has a way of changing everything in a heartbeat, doesn't it? One moment, you're walking alongside your husband, planning, dreaming, living. The next, you find yourself alone, with a heart that feels like it's shattered into a million pieces.

When loss hits, especially the loss of your husband, it can feel like God has moved away. Like He's packed up His bags, dimmed the lights, and left you in a dark room. The silence may be deafening. The ache consumes you. God seems distant, perhaps even absent.

But it's in these very moments of deepest pain, when you feel most exposed and vulnerable, that God can often draw incredibly near. Not always in the way you expect, or with a clear, audible voice, but in quiet, profound ways that reshape your understanding of His presence.

Think about it. When life is smooth, when everything is going well, it’s easy to just cruise along. We can rely on our own strength, our own plans, our own understanding. Our faith can become a comfortable routine, a pleasant addition to an already good life. But when the rug is pulled out from under us, when our world crumbles, all those familiar supports disappear. Suddenly you are left with a need, a hole you cannot fill.

And that need is where God meets you.

It's in the quiet spaces, after the initial shock has settled down a little, that you begin to notice Him. Perhaps it’s a flicker of peace in the midst of turmoil. An unexpected kindness from a stranger. A particular verse from Scripture that speaks directly to your heart, as if written just for you, at that very moment. Or maybe it’s just the quiet realization that you are managing to stay upright and that Someone is sustaining you.

Grief is messy. It's a long, winding road with unexpected turns. But God is there along that road, even when your vision is blurred by tears. He doesn't move away. He doesn't abandon you. Instead, He often uses the very discomfort of your pain to draw you into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him than you might have ever known before.

It’s like being refined in fire. The heat is intense, the process is agonizing. But what emerges is something stronger, more pure. Your faith, stretched and tested, can become more robust, more real. You learn to rely on Him in ways you never needed to before. You experience His comfort not as something theoretical, but as a living, breathing reality in your darkest hours.

You might feel a desperate yearning for His presence. A hunger you didn't know you had. This desire, born out of your pain, is a pathway. It’s an invitation to lean in to God, even when that may feel like the hardest thing you could imagine.

So, how do you find this deeper connection when your heart is aching and your mind is clouded by sorrow?

Here are some practical steps you can take, even when it feels like too much:

• Speak to Him: Just talk. Don't worry about saying it just right. Tell Him what you feel. Tell Him you're angry, sad, lost. Tell Him you miss your husband. Tell Him you don't understand. He can handle it. He longs to hear from you.

• Open His Word: Pick up your Bible. Start with the Psalms (many of which express profound sorrow and longing for God.) Even if you only read a few verses, allow the words to sink in. Don't try hard to understand perfectly, simply receive.

• Listen to Christian Music: Find songs that speak of God's comfort and faithfulness. Let the melodies and lyrics minister to your spirit when your own prayers feel stuck.

• Find a Quiet Space: Even five minutes in a quiet room, focusing on your breathing and simply acknowledging God's presence, can make a difference. Simple awareness.

• Connect with a Trusted Believer: Share your heart with a Christian friend, pastor, or mentor who understands grief. Allow them to pray for you and remind you of God's truth. Sometimes, God's presence is most tangible through the love of His people.

• Notice the Small Things: Look for tiny signs of His care. A beautiful sunrise. A comforting phone call. A favorite hymn playing at just the right moment. 

• Serve Someone Else (When You're Ready): Even a small act of kindness for another person can shift your focus and open a pathway for God's grace to flow through you. 

You can’t deal with your grief by willpower. You walk through it, day by day, moment by moment, with God right beside you. He is not distant. He is not indifferent. He is the God who collects your tears, who understands your pain, and who promises to be near the brokenhearted.

The tears will still come. The pain will still linger. But beneath it all, you may find a deeper connection to the One who loves you more than you can imagine. A connection forged in the fires of loss, stronger and more real than before. And that, my friends, is a profound discovery in the midst of your most challenging season.

My prayer is that you will find connection with the Lord “Who comforts us in all our troubles”, and receive His peace in this time of grieving.

Sincerely

Gerry van der Wende

Advance Life Transformation
www.advancelifetransformation.com


P.S. As always, please send us a short email if you need prayer or would like us to call you. We will respond within 24 hours.

Why Does God Heal Some, And Not Others? (Continued)

I just want to comment on my previous post, and felt this might deserve its own spot on this blog.

In the previous post I did not give the full answer to the question I posed. And even this will not be complete, whole books have been written about the subject.

When my wife Leni exhaled her last breath, her spirit and soul left her body to be with Jesus (Ecclesiastes 12:7, Philippians 1:23). Her identity is in her spirit and soul, her body was merely the physical shell in which she lived, and has now left behind (2 Corinthians 5:1).

The cancer did not cross the thin veil that separates us from heaven. Because cancer brings suffering, pain, and tears, and these do not exist in heaven, in God's presence (Revelation 21:4).

When I think of Leni, I don't think of the cold, damp grave in which we laid her coffin. Leni is not there, only her physical shell. I think of Leni in heaven, beautiful, a place of joy beyond anything we experience in this life (Psalm 16:11).

Leni was not healed on my timetable. But she left the ravages of cancer behind, she is healed and no longer experiences pain and suffering. God was faithful to His promises to heal. He is always faithful... And I am thankful.


Sincerely, with love,

Gerry van der Wende
www.advancelifetransformation.com 


P.S. Please feel free to contact me by emailing me at advancelifetransformation@gmail.com 

Why Does God Heal Some And Not Others?

This afternoon my wife and I were watching a movie called "I Still Believe" about Jeremy Camp's brief 3 1/2 month marriage to Melissa, who died of cancer. They both believed in God for healing, and the cancer did disappear miraculously. But then it came back with a vengeance, and Melissa is now home with Jesus.

The movie took me right back to my marriage with my first wife Leni. Leni had breast cancer, 19 years. She was a fighter. The cancer had its ups and downs. For example, one day the cancer caused an infection, excruciatingly painful. During the night, the swollen infection site opened up, as though a doctor had lanced it. Blood poured everywhere. I took Leni to the hospital, where they stitched her up. The infection had completely disappeared! That was a miracle! Leni walked around the hospital encouraging and praying for people a few days, before she was able to come home. But in the end, the cancer spread, and took her.

Why did God heal her once, but later not? Why did He take her home? Why are some people healed, but others are not? I don't know the answer. As a chaplain, I believe God heals. I have seen him heal my wife. I have seen many healed. I had pneumonia in 2012 and I believe I was at death's door, slipping away, but God restored me. I know God heals.

God promises healing, He says "I am God your Healer" (Exodus 15:26). Everyone who came to Jesus for healing was healed (Matthew 8:16). So why does He heal one and not the other? Like I said, I do not know. But one thing He said to me in the hospital was "Do not fear, only believe." The day before Leni died, He said to me, "Don't ask me what will happen tomorrow, only believe."

The writer to the Hebrews tells us "The just shall live by faith" (Hebrews 10:38). Job says "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him" (Job 13:15). We trust God. No matter what the circumstances.

God is sovereign. He knows the big picture. He is at work, He never stops working. His purposes will be fulfilled. He knows why Melissa Camp died, and was taken home, just 18 months after Leni preceded her. One day as Jeremy Camp said, there will be no more tears. One day we will see Melissa, and Leni, and the countless others who died in Christ, on that glorious day when Jesus returns (1 Thessalonians 4:16-17). One day we will see Him as He is.

In the meanwhile, as we wait, we choose to trust God. It's a choice we make, to trust Him. In spite of our circumstances, in spite of our grief and heartache. And He comforts us in all our trouble, so we can comfort others in turn (2 Corinthians 1:4). Come, Lord Jesus! Sincerely, with love, Gerry van der Wende www.advancelifetransformation.com

Discovering Your New Purpose After Loss

Finding Your New Path Forward

Your life was turned upside down. Your husband, with whom you shared your dreams and with whom you were building a future, is now with the Lord. 

As a Christian widow, you carry a unique sorrow, a deep sense of loss that can touch every aspect of your days. You may find yourself wondering, "What now? What is God's plan for me in this new chapter?" 

The future may feel uncertain, and the path ahead may seem unclear. The pain of losing your husband runs deep, and it's natural to feel lost and unsure of what lies ahead. You might question your identity, your role, and your sense of direction.

But within our Christian faith, we know that God is a God of new beginnings. Just as He brought forth life from the darkness, He can bring forth new purpose from the depths of your grief. Even while you are still in the midst of your grief, God has a beautiful and specific purpose for your life, a new path waiting to be discovered.

Think of the women in the Bible who faced loss and found new paths of service and significance. Ruth, after losing her husband, found purpose in loyalty to her mother-in-law and the God of Israel, and became part of Jesus' lineage. Anna, after years of widowhood, found her purpose in prayer in the temple, in worshipping God and proclaiming the Messiah. Jesus’ mother Mary appears to have lost her husband Joseph, followed with Jesus during His three and a half years of ministry, and became a pillar in the early church. 

Their stories remind us that God's plans for us do not end with loss - they often unfold in new and unexpected ways. This new purpose won't replace the love you shared with your husband, but it will offer you a way to honor your husband’s memory by living a life that continues to reflect God's purpose for you.

Imagine discovering a renewed sense of meaning and direction, a purpose that resonates with your heart and uses the unique experiences God has allowed in your life. Picture yourself stepping into new opportunities for service, for growth, for encouragement and for connection, while still carrying the love for your husband in your heart. See yourself finding joy and fulfillment in using your gifts and talents, in ways you may not have considered before.

So looking for God’s new purpose for you has nothing to do with losing your love for your husband. It's about allowing God to reveal the new and significant role He has for you now. It's about trusting that His plans for you are good, filled with hope, and designed to bring you closer to Him and to others. This new purpose can bring a sense of vitality and meaning back into your life, even as you continue to navigate your grief journey.

Here are some practical ways you can begin to discover God's new purpose for you:

• Seek God's Guidance Through Prayer and His Word: Spend intentional time in prayer, asking God to reveal His will for your life. Meditate on Scripture, looking for themes of hope, new beginnings, and God's faithfulness.

• Reflect on Your Gifts and Passions: What are you naturally good at? What do you enjoy doing? What stirs a passion within your heart? God often uses our gifts and passions to fulfill His purposes.

• Consider Your Life Experiences: How has God used your past experiences, both joys and sorrows, to shape you? Your journey, including your marriage and your grief, has uniquely equipped you for certain roles and opportunities.

• Explore Opportunities for Service: Look for ways to serve within your church or community. Volunteering, helping others, or using your skills to meet needs can reveal new avenues of purpose.

• Connect with Other Widows: Share your experiences and learn from other women who have walked a similar path. They may offer valuable insights and encouragement as you seek your new purpose.

• Be Open to New Possibilities: Don't limit yourself to what you've done before. God may have something completely new and unexpected in store for you. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone.

• Seek Advice from Trusted Christian Friends or Leaders: Talk to wise and godly individuals who can offer guidance and perspective as you discern God's leading.

• Take Small Steps of Faith: As opportunities arise, even if they seem small, take a step forward in faith. God often reveals His larger plan as we are obedient in the present.

• Be Patient and Trust God's Timing: Discovering your new purpose is a journey, not a destination. Trust that God will reveal His plan to you in His perfect time.

• Remember Your Identity in Christ: Your primary purpose is to love God and love others. As you focus on this foundational truth, your specific calling will often become clearer. God has a future filled with hope and purpose for you. Take a moment to quiet your heart and listen for His gentle leading.

Here are a few small steps you can take today:

• Spend 15 minutes in prayer, specifically asking God to open your eyes to His new purpose for you.

• Make a list of three things you are passionate about or good at. Consider how these might be used to serve God and others.

• Reach out to one other widow in your community and ask if she would be willing to connect and share your journeys.

Trust that God is working in your life, even if you can't yet see the full picture. Embrace this new chapter with courage and faith, knowing that He has a beautiful and significant purpose for you.

Looking forward to what God is doing in your life!

Sincerely,

Gerry van der Wende
Advance Life Transformation
www.advancelifetransformation.com


P.S. If you have questions about this or would like prayer, please contact us by clicking here.